These Dreams Go On

"All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams."
-Elias Canetti 

A friend of mine who spent a year studying abroad once told me that the way you know when you've become fluent in another language is when you start dreaming in that language.  I only wish that this could be the criterion for fluency in the duties of internship, because I have been having all kinds of crazy emergency medicine dreams.

First, there are the "left the house without any underwear on" dreams.  Only for me, the issue is always that I have forgotten to show up for a shift.  Every day upon awakening, I have this brief period of disorientation when I'm wondering where I am supposed to be right now.  Even on my days off, my first panicky thought as soon as I wake up is, "What time is it?  Did I oversleep?"  The fact that my shifts constantly change times (overnights last week, afternoons this week, days next week) does not help things.  Neither does the fact that the summer days in Massachusetts are so long that it's just as light out at 5 AM as it is at 5 PM.  It also doesn't matter in the slightest that in real life, I have not ever forgotten about an upcoming shift, or even been late for a shift.

Next, there are the "scary monster" dreams.  Only in my case, the monster comes in the form of a grotesque patient encounter.  Sometimes it's the patients themselves that are grotesque.  In one version, I walk into the room, only to find that the patient's limbs have fallen off.  I start frantically trying to put them back on again before the attending finds out that I have let the patient fall apart.  Other times, I am the grotesque one.  I catch my reflection as I walk by the window, and I have no face.  (Don't ask how I can see myself when I don't have a face--no one ever said that dreams were rational.)  Then there are the attendings, who can easily be transformed to gremlins, goblins, and trolls of all kinds.  Some of these transformations require less imagination than others.

Finally, there are the "trapped inside and can't get out" dreams.  I'm wandering around the ED, which has turned into a gigantic warehouse filled with screaming, crying, cursing people in johnnies.  It's time for me to go home, but I can't find the exit.  Nothing I see looks familiar, and the more I walk around, the more lost I get.  (That one is actually not so far from reality, because I have gotten lost in the hospital several times in the last few weeks, including twice within the Emergency Medicine administrative suite.)

I'm not sure if the reason why my dreams are so vivid and detailed is because I'm writing them down.  But anecdotally, having dreams about residency seems to be fairly common.  I overheard another resident complaining about how she hates that even when she is away from work, it's like she didn't leave, because she still dreams about being in the hospital.  The resident she was telling this to agreed, saying that the same thing happened to him.

Hopefully, all of this dreaming means that I'm learning something.